4 words: Just. Fucking. Do it.

I don’t use to-do lists. I don’t use a productivity system. They don’t work.

And I know they don’t work for millions of other people. If you’re one of them, don’t fret. You’re not alone.

You know what does work?

When there’s something you have to get done, do it.

When you need to exercise, exercise.

When you need to make dinner, make dinner.

When you need to go shopping, go shopping.

When you need to floss your teeth (daily!), floss your teeth.

When you need to go to the doctor, start eating a better diet. Then go to the doctor.

When you need to call someone, call them.

When you need to send an e-mail, send it.

When you need to write a blog post, write a blog post.

When you need to write a thank you card, write a thank you card.

When you need to practice, practice.

When you need to have a difficult conversation with a friend/business partner/significant other, have that conversation.

Stop making excuses.

Stop searching for a productivity system that will “magically” make it all work for you.

Just. Fucking. Do it.

Whatever it is.

More? Kill your to do list and focus on one thing at a time.

More, more? Just fucking write.

A while back I mentioned, in passing, that I want to tour Route 66 in the US next year on a bicycle. I’ve never done a long bike tour, but ever since mentioning it I’ve had it in the back of my mind.

The first thing I know is that it’s going to be difficult. :)

But I was more worried about the bike. Due to my traveling I want to get a bike when I get back to the States in October which I can then take with me wherever I decide to go next. (Not so secret where that is, but I’m still not 100% decided, so I’ll just leave it at that!) That means I’d have to spend a lot of money to take the bike on a plane. And it would also be an incredible hassle.

It’s a good idea to train on the actual bike I’d be using for that epic journey across one of the USA’s first highways so that’s why I want to get the bike when I’m back in the US to take it with me to my next destination.

Last week, while talking to Tammy, she said I should consider a folding bike such as BikeFriday, which would make taking it on planes/trains/anywhere easy. While I’m quite familiar with folding bikes (lots of people in Wrocław ride them around) I didn’t think they’d be good for long distances. But Tammy sent me an article, which linked to an article, which linked to an article that proved me wrong. (Here’s the final article, ha!)

Apparently, it’s not a completely crazy idea to take a custom-built (and sort of expensive) folding bike on a long bike tour. The more I think about it, the more I want to do just that.

I’m not fully sold on a folding bike yet, but it is a very intriguing option.

While I may not be fully decided, I’ve become a little bit obsessed with reading about bikes and bike touring. Especially all the great articles at http://www.bicycletouringpro.com.

After spending hours upon hours reading a few days ago, I realized something. It’s something I talk about regularly, but I wasn’t taking my own advice.

I could read about bike touring until the end of time, but without taking action on it I won’t learn very much.

We don’t learn very much by reading, listening, or watching. We learn by doing.

Before I started traveling I thought I had it all figured out. And while all the research I did before embarking on my adventures did help a little, actually getting out there and traveling helped a lot more.

I’ve learned a lot of little things. Like, who knew washing my clothes in a bag would work out so well? I’m still using the same aLoksak I’ve been using since Day 1 in Australia almost 11 months ago! It can’t be used as an actual waterproof bag anymore (I ripped the top), but it still works for washing. :)

I’ve also become more experienced in eating a vegan diet while traveling. This is something that had me a little worried, but it has worked out great. And while I’m sure there are parts of the world I might still have a difficult time, I’m better equipped to handle those situations should they arise. That is not something you can learn from reading, watching, or listening. It’s only something that you can truly learn by doing.

How To Learn (By Doing)

I know it’s obvious, right? But it’s still a sticking point for many of us.

Do!

“Do what?!”

Do something.

“But what do I do?!”

And round and round it goes. I have to say I’ve been perpetuating that cycle myself here because I regularly state to take action, without always explaining what kind of action to take.

Here’s how to break that cycle:

1) Decide on a big goal.

This is a goal you don’t have a really good idea how you’ll accomplish. It doesn’t matter much what this goal is. It does not absolutely have to be a “big” goal. It could be as simple as “learn how to dance” or it could be as big as “sell all my stuff and live anywhere.”

2) Decide on a smaller goal.

Chunk that big goal down into just one little nugget. It could be just one aspect of the big goal or it could be a scaled down version of the big goal.

Before I had the idea for selling all of my stuff and traveling wherever I wanted in a backpack, I took 2 shorter trips. In other words, I took the big goal and scaled it down considerably. One of these trips was 15 days (Canada and Germany) and it helped me work out all the kinks of my much longer never-ending trip. I didn’t work out all the kinks, but I did learn a lot about how this vagabond nomadic lifestyle works.

3) Do the smaller goal.

You can probably do the smaller goal right now without delay. If it’s something you have to delay then revamp the small goal until you can take some kind of action towards it right now.

3b) Do more smaller goals.

If your smaller goal was just a specific chunk of the big goal, then do some of the other chunks now. If the small goal was a scaled down version of the bigger goal then move along to …

4) Do the bigger goal.

Now that you’ve learned a bit and worked out some kinks by accomplishing the smaller goal it’s time to go full out and tackle the big goal.

As you know, I’m not a fan of fluff or over-complicating things. These 4 steps may seem incredibly obvious, or horribly silly, but if you sit down and think about it, these are the exact steps you’ve probably taken before to learn something new.

As for me? My first small goal is to call Bike Friday and get some questions answered. If it sounds good, I’ll make an appointment to visit them in Eugene, Oregon in October. :)

Another good small goal would be to actually go on a short bike tour. The reason I’m not doing that is because I’m not going to buy all the necessary gear (bike helmet, bike rack, tent, sleeping bag, etc) while here in Poland and I’m not sure I can rent/borrow it anywhere.

Oh, and I’m still gonna keep reading about bicycle touring with the understanding that it’s purely enjoyment and I’m not actually learning much. :)

The Power To Choose, The Power To Change

“Do you know where the power lies? It starts and ends with you.” – Tim Armstrong

If I can be honest, a long, drawn-out article about your power will not put it any better than that quote by Tim Armstrong (from the track The 11th Hour off “…And Out Come The Wolves”).

It’s such a strong and succinct point.

You have the power to make anything happen. If you don’t believe this is true the problem stems from the fact that you’re too far in your head and lacking confidence. You’re not giving yourself enough credit or you’re making excuses.

Any answer to any question you have is available to you.

Maybe you’re in the position of not knowing what you don’t know. We all find ourselves in this position at one time or another.

If you don’t know where to start, start at what you think is a good place to start. There is absolutely nothing wrong with making a bit of a guess.

If you don’t start you give up your power.

What are you gonna do about it?

I made all of this vegan food in Chiang Mai, Thailand!

How do you piss off vegans the world over and maybe piss off non-vegans as well?

By writing what I’m about to write. ;)

Traveling on a vegan diet isn’t necessarily difficult, but it is more challenging than willy-nilly eating anything and everything in sight.

My veganism is out of respect for animals. A lot of my ideas on veganism are rooted in Buddhism. I am not, however, anywhere near a Buddhist. I am simply a fan of some of the philosophy.

An Overview (Paraphrased from the book Monk Chat, published by Wat Suan Dok, Chiang Mai, Thailand)

Monks must abstain from killing living things. Therefore, monks are vegan. Technically. There is a loophole.

Every morning they must go on their alms round. Which is a way for laypeople (Buddhists who are not monks) to make merit (Tam Boon). As the monks make their alms round, laypeople give them food. Monks are not allowed to refuse any food, whether it has animal ingredients or not.

And that’s the loophole. If the people who are making merit offer food with animals, the monk has to accept it. :(

There are, however, 10 kinds of meat a monk may not eat under any circumstances: human, elephant, horse, dog, serpent, lion, bear, feline tigris, leopard, or yellow tiger. Do not ask me why, as I do not know.

Monks follow the idea of “eat to live, not live to eat.” Most of Western society lives to eat, hence all the obesity and heart disease. We should eat for nourishment, as fuel for our incredible bodies, as opposed to simply for enjoyment. Food is for survival.

My Interpretation

It all boils down to respect. A monk cannot disrespect the layperson by refusing their food. And so, he must eat the food, whatever it happens to be.

I take this same stance. If I order food that is supposed to be vegan and it arrives un-veganized I have only 2 options.

1) Find someone who will eat it and order new food.

or

2) Eat it myself if I can’t find someone to eat it.

Under no circumstances may I throw the food away (by sending it back). An animal has provided that food with their life and I won’t disrespect it like that.

Fortunately, I have yet to come across a situation where I have been accidentally given meat. I’m still unsure how I will react in that situation, but I have a feeling I will not have a problem finding someone to eat the food.

Yes, I have eaten dairy products since going vegan. And I have absolutely no problems calling myself a vegan. I don’t purposefully buy non-vegan food and I don’t prepare non-vegan food when I’m eating at home.

When I was in Berlin recently I ordered a cheese-less pizza. Unfortunately it arrived with cheese and enough garlic to kill a man. Not a single person at our table wanted the pizza due to the overpowering smell of garlic. I ate it. Throwing it away would be extraordinarily disrespectful. Not only to the animal who was mistreated and eventually died to provide that cheese, but to anybody who has ever gone hungry (billions of people every day).

I submit that if you’re a vegan due to compassion for animals that you should follow this same path.

Think about it, which of the following is more compassionate?

1) Eating cheese that you didn’t order. The animal you didn’t want to die for you has been given to you to eat. If you eat it, at least it didn’t die for absolutely nothing.

or

2) Throwing away the cheese you didn’t order. The animal you didn’t want to die for you has been given to you to eat. If you don’t eat it, you’re pissing on its life. It died for nothing. And it will be your fault that it died for nothing. You do not have a worthy argument otherwise. (Except lactose intolerance, which I definitely understand.)

It’s an obvious choice if you truly are compassionate.

Stress Free Living

Stress kills. Stop it. ;)

A couple of years ago a friend of mine said, “Karol, you have the most stress free life out of anybody I know.”

At the time I laughed because that wasn’t true at all. In fact, it was quite opposite.

These days, however, most of my choices boil down to whatever is least stressful and I probably do have the least stressful life of anybody I know.

It is less stressful to eat a bit of dairy I didn’t order than to whine and complain that “the stupid chef (or cashier or line cook) is a god damned idiot.” They’re not idiots. They’re human. We are amazingly imperfect creatures and we make mistakes.

Eating vegan, in and of itself, helps release lots of stress. Not only on my mind, but on my body. Animal products are incredibly difficult for our bodies to digest. Especially dairy, which is meant for calves, not grown humans. From a health standpoint dairy is just nasty, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Preaching Veganism

I don’t preach. Yes, I do want you to eat a vegan diet. Not vegetarian. Vegan. But I don’t care if you’re an omnivore. I will date you (err, if you’re female, haha), I will be friends with you, and I will probably even pay for dinner if we go out and you order a meat dish. It’s not my place to force my choices upon you.

There are many arguments against veganism and every single one is unfounded. I won’t go into any of them here. I just ask that you do a lot of research if you really want the truth. Preferably research that’s not funded by the beef or dairy industries, which will be biased.

It sucks when somebody comments on my blog, e-mails me, or discusses in person their misinformed ideas about the meat and dairy industries. But I don’t correct them. I’m not interested in arguments (Life Lesson #8). I simply ask them to research what they’re saying. And so, if you comment below with misinformed arguments you should save your time because they will not be accepted.

How To Make Vegan Travel Easy

Now that we’ve determined that if there is a mistake made you will not disrespect the animal, let’s get into the details of how to actually eat a vegan diet while traveling to unknown lands where you may not speak the language. It’s actually pretty darn easy to eat vegan anywhere in the world!

1) Eat lots of fruit.

Fruit is available and plentiful everywhere. And, of course, it’s vegan and incredibly nourishing. ;) While eating only fruit (Fruitarian) would not work well for me, I have gone a full day eating only fruit on at least 1 occasion. Not sustainable (for me) for the long haul, but one day? Sure, I can handle that.

I eat a lot of fruit anyway.

In India I ate ~20 lady finger bananas per day. These are very small bananas, maybe the equivalent of 6 or 7 regular bananas. In addition to that I ate lots of whatever other fruit was available. Fuji apples, grapes, strawberries, and papaya were plentiful. And, of course, my daily fresh coconut for 20 Rupees. :)

Fruit is an important part of our diet and most of us don’t get enough. I definitely didn’t until I started eating vegan.

I call bananas the perfect travel food. You can pick a banana out of a mud pit, open it up, and eat it. :) No need to worry about the outside getting dirty because you only want the sweet fibrous inside. In addition, no utensils necessary.

My favorite fruit in the whole world (besides the not-so-easily-available Jakfruit) is mango, but I’m not a fan of the preparation. Thankfully, in Thailand I was able to eat mango a few times per day. For 10 Baht (~30 cents) it was freshly sliced and ready to devour. And it’s available everywhere in Thailand (along with many other fruits) at the ubiquitous Thai street carts.

When you arrive in a new city immediately go out and find the nearest market (or corner store or anything) that sells fruit and stock up. It’s simple, it’s cheap, it’s healthy, and it’s vegan.

Note: avocado is a fruit. Mmmm … I love avocado. Here is how to check for ripeness: do not squeeze! You will bruise the insides. Instead, push in the stem a little. If it gives it’s ripe. If it doesn’t give then wait a day or two.

2) Eat lots of beans / whole grains.

Whether you’re making your own food or eating out, beans and whole grains (brown rice, quinoa, etc.) are a perfect combination of food available in most parts of the world.

My favorite dish is a combo of black beans with either quinoa or brown rice (and avocado if I have a ripe one handy). Quinoa is much less readily available so I usually have brown rice. I eat this at least once/day and sometimes twice.

3) Eat lots of vegetables.

Due to so many vegetables needing some kind of preparation I’m not a great vegetable eater. While I eat them daily, I eat far more fruits than vegetables.

My favorite easy to prepare vegetables are tomatoes (crap, another fruit? haha) and broccoli. I eat these raw and sometimes I eat tomatoes like they’re apples. When I was younger I didn’t like tomatoes at all, but as I grew and my palate changed I grew to love them.

If you’re not a vegetable fan you might have to train your palate. Try something new every time you go to the market and you will eventually find something you like. And remember: different varieties of the same vegetable taste completely different. There are some tomatoes I’m not a huge fan of. And mushrooms have so many different flavors it’s insane. Continually test your palate!

Eating a nice salad every day is an easy way to get a lot of your vegetables in one fell swoop. I’ve been known to eat an almost 2 pound salad (lots of greens, LOTS of tomatoes) for dinner. :)

Salads are available in virtually every restaurant in the world. Eat a big enough salad and it is quite filling.

4) Eat nuts.

Nuts are also available everywhere and greats sources of many nutrients. Goa, India is known for its cashews (kaju) and you can bet I ate a LOT of them while I was there. They are my favorite nut. Unsalted, raw, of course. Nuts pack lots of much needed energy in the forms of protein and fat. You don’t want to make nuts your staple, but eat a little bit regularly. They’re also great while you’re in transit (planes, trains, and automobiles).

5) Research local restauarants.

HappyCow.net has listings for veg and veg-friendly restaurants all over the world. (Don’t waste your money on their iPhone app if you have an iPod Touch. It’s a waste.)

If there are a lot of restaurants listed on HappyCow I also post in the CouchSurfing.org Group (message board) for whatever city I’m going to be in to get favorite veg restaurant recommendations.

Restaurants where you should never have a problem finding veg food:

• Indian – Channa Masala and lots of other stuff.
• Thai – veg/rice/tofu.

You will find Indian and/or Thai restaurants in so many cities in the world it’s crazy. Even here in Wrocław, there are two Indian restaurants that I know about.

Bonus restaurant tip: If you pass by a health food type store walk in and ask about local veg-friendly restaurants. I had trouble finding a decent restaurant in Cairns, QLD, Australia and asked a girl at a health food store. She said there aren’t many options (boo Cairns!), but gave me directions to a Mexican restaurant. This Mexican restaurant actually had a vegan menu! :)

6) Allow yourself some junk food.

I promise once you start eating a whole food plant-based diet that your cravings for junk will almost completely subside. I rarely crave junk. But when I do? I go all out. I will happily eat a whole bag of chips or a veggie burger (or 3) or a pizza or a 2 liter bottle of soda. It doesn’t happen often, but when I have a really strong craving I let myself at it. Some people advocate having a “cheat day” once/week. For me that’s far too often and sometimes not often enough. It would be forced. As I sit here right now I am eating a 90% dark chocolate bar. :) I probably won’t finish it, but I won’t deny myself if I happen to want to eat every last bite.

Another thing about junk food: when you’re in new lands you will find some very interesting choices in vegan junk food! The best, by far, is in India. I’ll let you discover it for yourself. ;)

What About Soy?

You’ll notice I don’t mention soy above. I’m not a huge fan. In Thailand I ate soy regularly because it was part of a lot of local cuisine (in the form of tofu). For the most part I don’t eat soy.

That said, I’m currently in a phase of drinking one B12 fortified glass of soy milk every day. B12 is the one nutrient that I have had trouble introducing into my diet without drinking soy milk. I can handle that.

Claims that soy is unhealthy are incredibly overblown. (Again, I ask that you research it yourself. Don’t believe anything I state.)

Learn The Local Vegan Options Ahead of Time

If you can, do a little research about traditional meals that are already vegan. If you know ahead of time which meals should be vegan that will make things a lot easier on you. My best suggestion: utilize CouchSurfing again. :) Go into the Country Group (or any City Group) and ask what meals are traditionally vegan. There may be none, but it’s worth asking.

The Language Barrier

The language barrier is what can sometimes cause the aforementioned un-veganized food at restaurants.

It’s fairly easy to solve: learn how to say you don’t eat meat or milk or cheese or butter in whatever language you’ll be encountering. If you’re not willing to do that then you could always sit at home, watch TV, and do nothing. ;)

Back to keeping things less stressful: don’t worry too much about the language barrier. When you start traveling things seem to just fall into place. I could write for days about this topic (or any topic) and you’ll never learn as much as by experiencing it for yourself.

Emergency Rations

On the overnight train to Chiang Mai from Bangkok there was a menu with 8 or 9 meat options and 1 vegetarian option. I ordered the vegetarian option, but it wasn’t available. Dammit. The lady taking orders refused to accept that chicken was not a vegetarian option. I spent a good 1-2 minutes insisting she not give me chicken because it is not vegetarian. (I run into this a lot. Chickens and fish are animals people!)

I travel with some sort of emergency rations. Currently that is a Clif Bar. Important: these rations must only be used in an emergency! Like, when you haven’t eaten for 14 hours on your train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai. :)

Emergency Rations For The Emergency Rations!

As you may know if you’ve gone through my whole packing list I carry a Light My Fire Spork with me everywhere. In case I need an actual quick “meal” and can’t find it this is what I do.

1) Head into any super market / convenience store.

2) Buy a can of beans (my preference is black or kidney) with an easy open top. (If not available, buy the can of beans and a can opener.)

3) Open the can a little and dump out the water. (I usually rinse the beans with clean water as well.)

4) Enjoy!

You might scoff at this, but a can of beans is a filling, healthy, nutritious meal. And it’s cheap to boot!

I don’t always use this as an emergency meal. Sometimes I just want to eat a can of beans and make this a nice little meal/snack. :)

Keep An Open Mind

Would you believe it if I told you that steak houses are one of the easiest restaurants to eat vegan? Think about it. Baked potatoes, beans, lots of salad options. If your friends want to go to a restaurant that is “obviously” not vegan, stop to think about it for a second. When my friends want to eat at a traditionally non-vegan restaurant I don’t usually have any problems eating a very filling meal.

A Learning Process

Eating vegan while traveling is a learning process. Before I embarked on my adventures I was as worried as anybody about being able to eat vegan. It has been a fun experience eating vegan in Australia, New Zealand, India, Thailand, Germany, and Poland.

On many occasions (usually while staying at hostels), when I’d make a meal others would comment on how amazing it looked. When you use lots of fruits/vegetables your meals look quite appetizing. ;)

If you’re worried about traveling to far off lands and keeping a vegan diet, stop worrying. Start living.

Special Note On Comments:

If you have anything negative to say, if you’re not willing to do your research (as stated above), or if you’re making stupid arguments your comment will be trashed.

Feel free to add positive thoughts or helpful points for vegan travel. Thanks!

Being that you’re a human being you’ve probably noticed many things in life are like a game. The rules and score-keeping may be different but virtually every aspect of life can be broken down in this way. Especially when it comes to confidence.

Why don’t more of us use this to our advantage?

It’s especially easy while traveling because nobody knows you, but it’s also be doable if you’ve never left your home town.

What I mean is, you don’t have to be who you are in your head. You can be someone else. You can be “that guy” or “that girl.”

This is sometimes described as “fake it til you make it.”

Let’s specifically take hanging out with or meeting new people because I’ve been having a few conversations (through e-mail/IM) about this topic with you guys lately. :)

Since last week, after waiting far too long to get off my ass and meet people in Wrocław, I’ve been hanging out with and meeting people every day*.

*Besides two days I was mostly out of commission due to my hurt knee/foot and I only went out to dinner for a bit. Wrocław doesn’t shut down, but no after-parties for me.

Based on the previously mentioned e-mail/IM conversations I know many of you think I’m extremely extroverted.

That is not the case in the slightest.

I am quite possibly one of the most introverted people you will ever meet. Although, depending on if I’m using my own advice, you may never know it. ;)

Let’s take an example of back-to-back nights last week.

First night: hung out on the streets, in clubs, and wherever. Was with a group of 7 or 8 people and because of the noise I didn’t talk much. It was hard to hear anybody, and my Polish comprehension is still at the point where I have trouble with conversations unless they’re 1 on 1 or, if in a group, in a quiet(er) place.

Eventually, since my body is a machine, I outlasted a few people and our group was down to 4. Things went better then, but because I had spent so many hours not talking a whole lot I wasn’t in the right frame of mind.

Second night: hung out on the streets, in clubs, and wherever. Was with an even larger group of people. This time I didn’t want a repeat performance so I purposefully became “someone else.” A fun, outgoing, gentlemen.

Think Vince Vaughn in Swingers except without the suit. Actually … with a huge hole in the front of my shirt since I still refuse to go shopping. It was kind of on purpose to make the game more of a challenge.

“Alright bitch, you’ve got a massive hole in your shirt and pretty much everybody stares at it when they talk to you. You look poor and maybe slightly homeless. Make shit happen now!”

I’m not sure if it’s normal to want to make things more difficult for yourself, but I work well under pressure.

So what happened?

I easily moved from group to group, speaking Polish (or English when necessary, there are lots of tourists in Wrocław, after all), and had an amazing time. As an aside, I can now easily achieve my self-defined Level 3 of Fluency in Polish. :)

Oh, and the hole in my shirt? If I caught someone looking at it I would acknowledge it by stating that it’s a space age ventilation system I invented for these humid nights. :)  (Wymyśliłem specjalny futurystyczny system wentylacji – who knows if that’s correct. It doesn’t matter. hehe)

How To Improve Confidence

I know I’m not the only person who struggles with confidence, and while I don’t take my own advice every time I need it, this is what has worked for me. The following is especially important in situations where you don’t know anybody else. (Which are the situations I find myself in regularly.)

1) Get Out Of Your Head

You’re overthinking everything. Nobody cares about you as much as they care about themselves. (Life Lessons #2 and #35.)

Obviously if there is something glaringly wrong with your look (err, like a massive hole in your shirt!) you might give off an unwanted first impression. But you can combat that by not being like me. Make things easier on yourself. ;)

2) Become Someone Else

I don’t mean that you should use someone else’s style of dress or speak the way they speak. While you can do that and it would probably be effective in the short run, it’s not sustainable. Be who you are, but use someone else as a basis for improvement.

It doesn’t matter specifically who, but it should be somebody that acts the way you’d like to act. Going back to my Vince Vaughn example: in Swingers his character, Trent, is maybe a bit over-the-top, but a generally fun guy. He has a lot of confidence, but not in an overtly cocky sort of way. He has fun and brings others along for the ride. In other words, he’s not an asshole and he wants everybody to have a good time. (OK, maybe he’s a bit of an asshole when he rips up that girl’s number.)

Your “someone else” doesn’t have to be famous or from a movie. These characters are easy to model if you don’t have anybody else in mind to model. Your someone else can just as easily be a friend of yours or maybe just someone you’ve witnessed from afar.

3) Place Yourself In Situations That Make You Uncomfortable

Confidence grows when you stretch yourself. One of the best ways to really stretch yourself is to do karaoke. Even if you completely bomb (<– rap lyrics show up too slowly on screen so I was always behind the beat) you will have a great time. I promise. My favorite is going up after somebody who can actually sing. ;)

Another situation that may make you uncomfortable: going out dancing even though you “can’t” dance. This is how: get on the dance floor and move. If you look at what others are doing you’ll see most of them can’t really dance either. You’ll also notice that they’re not paying any attention to you. You’ll also notice that there are people on the outskirts of the dance floor glancing at you wishing they were having as much fun as you.

I’m really tall (196 centimeters), I’m a bit awkward, and it’s impossible for me not to stand out. You at least have the luxury of blending in on whatever dance floor or social situation you put yourself in. :)

Everett wrote about uncomfortable situations in the “start taking risks” section towards the end of this article.

4) Don’t Use Alcohol As A Crutch

This is a mistake almost everybody makes when attempting to gain confidence and I’m no exception. I have used it too, but it doesn’t work.

The problem is if you use alcohol as a crutch, you will always need it as a crutch. Hence it being called a crutch. :) It’s a temporary solution and does nothing for you in situations where there may not be alcohol. Break your leg every day and you will always need a crutch to walk, right? Drinking alcohol is like breaking your confidence’s leg.

Does that mean you can never drink alcohol? No, I’m not stating that at all. Drink away! But drink when you don’t actually need it as a crutch anymore.

If you’ve struggled with confidence does this advice help? If you’ve overcome confidence issues do you have a good tip to share with the rest of us? Let us know …

“Just about a year ago, I set out on the road. Seeking my fame and fortune, looking for a pot of gold.” – John Fogerty

Exactly one year ago today I made a step towards drastically improving my life. Unlike Mr. Fogerty (the best song writer of our time), however, I didn’t set out for fame or fortune or a pot of gold.

What I did set out to do was change my world and inspire you to change your world.

How I did that is simply stated:

I started this blog.

The first article ever published here at RidiculouslyExtraordinary.com is called “An Unlikely First Post: Notes From How To Build A High Traffic Blog Without Killing Yourself.” These were my notes from a presentation by Tim Ferriss.

If you read the article you’ll see that I followed quite a bit of the advice … lots of it subconsciously since I haven’t actually read that article or watched the presentation in a year.

The most important piece of advice in the presentation is actually a quote from Tucker Max: “Important thing is not being a good writer, but having a voice.”

Voice and Promises

When I first started my voice was still in its infancy and the words weren’t coming out quite like they should have been. But I made two promises.

First promise: I would focus on a set schedule and stick to it.

That schedule has changed a couple of times, but I did stick to it and this is article #112. (Currently the schedule is Monday, Thursday, Saturday.) Whether an article was perfect or not was not as important as simply shipping. Practicing, getting my words out, and improving.

Second promise: I promised myself that I wouldn’t give in to convention and I would just be myself.

What you get here is essentially what you would get from me in person. In a way, this blog gives me a little more freedom with my persona, because sometimes I hold back in person (out of respect for others).

Being A Polarizing Figure

Some people get upset with what I write. Some people get upset with who I am. Some people don’t like me.

You don’t see any of that because as much as I hate censorship I don’t tolerate personal attacks. When someone is negative or attacks me it’s much more fun to delete it than get into an argument. :) (Life Lesson #8: Arguments are pointless.)

To be honest, I’m still on a quest to be more polarizing, but I’ve done an OK job so far.

I’m not afraid to be the same person in public and in private even though I very well know that it affects me negatively as far as certain contacts and business prospects. Social climbing isn’t worth it to me if I have to be fake. You will find very few bloggers (with non-personal blogs) who are truly open. That’s neither good nor bad (well, it’s good for the aforementioned social climbing), but I can’t do that.

Now I’m going off on a tangent. :) (You know how I love those.)

Opening Up My World

The first time my life drastically changed was when I joined CouchSurfing. It was a revelation. “Wow, I can literally go anywhere in the world and hang out with awesome people.”

With blogging it’s similar, but different. It’s a more natural progression of friendship with you and other bloggers. E-mail/skype/in-person meet ups. There is a natural arc to relationships built through this blog.

Similarly to CouchSurfing, blogging has opened up the world to me. I’ve met other bloggers in Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, and Germany. I’ve met readers all over the place as well.

5 Ways Blogging Has Changed My Life

I’ve read a lot of blog posts about blogging changing people’s lives. I actually got an e-mail a few days ago from a reader who asked me how it has changed mine.

1) I’ve made great friendships with quite a few awesome people.

I’m not well known in the blogging world by any means. That’s much less important to me than actually connecting with the people who do know me.

2) Blogging has given me an outlet for my writing.

I’ve always enjoyed writing, but I never knew I would absolutely love it. There are not many pursuits I’ve undertaken that have been so fulfilling as writing for you.

3) I’ve connected with like-minded people.

This is different than friendships, but just as important. I’ve received so many amazing e-mails that break down to: “Wow, you are exactly like me” and reading that never gets old. :) It’s very rare for me to meet people similar to me in every day life, but blogging has made it happen more than I could imagine.

4) I’ve been incredibly inspired by you.

I have a label in Gmail called Awesome E-mails. A lot of times I forget to mark e-mails as Awesome and I only started the label on January 22, 2010, but even so there are currently 47 e-mails under that label. This label consists of positive, inspiring e-mails from you.

5) I’ve discovered my future without even knowing I was looking for it.

I’ve tried to deny it many times over the past few months, but this blog is my future. There is not as much money in blogging and releasing products through a blog as through doing affiliate marketing, but it is much more fulfilling. As you already know money, in and of itself, is not what makes me happy.

5 Reasons You Should Start Blogging Today

I’m going to preface these reasons with the following: you should start a blog in a niche that you love and that you can see yourself writing about for the next 10 years.

1) You will meet awesome people. There is no denying that. It takes time, but it will happen.

2) Fun opportunities are everywhere for bloggers. Depending on what your goals are you can make sweet contacts, get a new job (assuming you want a job), earn your own income through your blog, and sometimes even get free stuff (if that’s what you’re after; I’m not). I could go on for a few hours on the opportunities available to you. Suffice it to say there are many.

3) You don’t have to be a great writer (as stated above). What you need is a unique voice. That may take time to develop so starting today will give you an edge.

4) You don’t need any technical knowledge. Get a Web host, install WordPress, and start writing. Follow Darren Rowse’s 31 Days To Building A Better Blog (free article series) for guidance.

5) You will begin building a legacy. If you die tomorrow what gift are you leaving the world? A piece of you via your blog is a great gift to leave behind.

Closing It Out

If there was a more epic expression for thank you I would use that, but there isn’t one. Thank you.

A lot of our disappointments and frustrations are a result of outside forces. We make plans to meet up with a friend and the friend flakes. We buy a plane ticket and the flight is delayed. We drive across town, run into traffic, and arrive late to a meeting. We order food without cheese and get cheese anyway. (That’s actually a whole philosophical discussion for another day, hehe.)

Personally, I expect a lot out of myself. And I used to expect a lot out of other people.

In other words, I hold myself to a very high standard and I used to hold others to that same very high standard.

When I say I’m gonna do something, I do it. When I make a promise, I keep it. (Barring unforeseen circumstances, of course.)

Holding other people to a high standard has resulted in lots of feelings of disappointment.

Can you relate? Has there ever been a time when somebody has disappointed you?

Over the past couple of years I’ve been able to conquer those feelings of disappointment very simply. I stopped holding others to my high standards.

It’s not my place to hold others to a high standard, or any standard for that matter.

We should hold ourselves to a high standard, but the responsibility for holding anybody to any standard ends right there.

Here is what I’ve found: many people don’t hold themselves to a high standard and, therefore, go back on their word or don’t fulfill obligations they say they’ll fulfill.

If you try to hold someone like this to a high standard the result will usually be disappointment.

Now when someone tells me they’re going to do something I accept that and believe it. If it doesn’t happen it doesn’t bother me because I didn’t formulate a standard for them to live up to.

If they do, on the other hand, follow through, I have a better sense of  ”oh, cool, this person holds themselves to a high standard. I’m going to enjoy working with / being friends with / hanging out with this person a lot.”

Here is where it gets tricky: if you have someone in your life who is consistently not following through, I would classify them as a toxic person. We really do become who we associate with and as you know, you should not associate with toxic people.

There’s an old saying, and I don’t know where I first heard it, but it goes something like this: “If you want to make a lot of money, take the average incomes of your five closest friends. That number is what you can expect as your income.” While I don’t necessarily believe in that particular statement it makes sense in a lot of other areas in life.

If you have people in your life who constantly go back on their words, it will become so normal to you that it will begin to creep into your own personality.

I know this is true because the reason I was once a greedy and unhappy person was because those are the types of people I associated myself with.

How do you avoid disappointment?

1) Don’t allow your happiness/fulfillment to come from outside forces that you have no control over.

If you can’t control a situation you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s like playing the lottery with your happiness.

2) Associate with kick ass people.

Awesome people hold themselves to a high standard and won’t disappoint.

###

Special comment love request.

Do: write happy thoughts. :) For example, situations where everything worked out like you wanted. Or worked out unexpectedly but happily.

Don’t: write about people, things, or situations that have disappointed you.

We’ve forgotten how to relax.

Somewhere throughout the years we unlearned this important trait.

Sitting in front of a TV is what most people do to “relax.” But that’s passive relaxation and due to the constant barrage of stimuli it’s not relaxation at all.

Those of us without a TV have other forms of passive relaxation that isn’t relaxing. Playing a computer game, mindlessly surfing the Web, checking twitter, checking e-mail, and so on.

Lately I’ve been practicing what I call active relaxation. It’s very simple. Ready?

How To Practice Active Relaxation

Active relaxation involves doing literally almost nothing.

1) Turn everything off. TV, phone, computer, iPod, everything.

Noise is OK. We can’t shut off the world. We can, however, shut off our world. The goal here is not to escape, but to just be.

2) Sit, breathe, and be still. Eyes can be open or closed.

This will depend on where you are. If I’m indoors when I practice active relaxation I close my eyes. If I’m outside I will sometimes keep my eyes open and focus on something fairly inactive, like the treetops.

3) Pay attention to what’s going on around you or to your thoughts.

Depending on where you are will most likely determine what you’re paying attention to. When I’m indoors my attention usually settles on something inward, but when I’m outside it’s a different experience.

I enjoy doing this exercise outside more than inside. When I do it inside (between writing sessions for example) it helps with clarity and focus. But when I practice active relaxation outside the results are a little more intense.

The best way I can explain it is it feels like rainbows and fireworks. :)

A special request from me today: At some point today (not tomorrow or the next day or next week or next month) take 5 or 10 minutes and practice active relaxation. Even if it’s immediately before going to bed.

Taking time for yourself is important and I know with our busy schedules it’s not always easy. But it’s a special request, which is like some kind of blood oath. Which means you might die if you don’t do it. (People die from blood oaths? What is a blood oath? I hope it’s nothing like blood pudding. Ugh. Do you know what’s in blood pudding? It’s worse than cooked congealed blood. Wait. It is cooked congealed blood.)

When you’re done come back here and let me know how you feel. :)

Trust is difficult to establish and easy to lose.

Last week I did a very small promotion (you may not have even really noticed it) for Chris Guillebeau’s Empire Building Kit. I don’t know how well too many other affiliates did, but my results exceeded expectations. I wouldn’t be surprised if I outperformed bloggers with much larger (but not as bad ass!) fan bases than mine. (The 4,000 word Anatomy of a 4 Figure Affiliate Promotion case study will be in How To Live Anywhere.)

And the reason for that success is simple: trust.

Whether you bought the Kit or not, thank you for being here.

I really do appreciate the fact that you trust me. I work hard to keep that trust. Actually, I’m borderline obsessed with establishing and growing your trust in me.

I have big plans for the future of Ridiculously Extraordinary (speaking to high school and college students and writing a series of print books, among other things) and they won’t happen without you.

How To Establish Trust In An Age Of Skepticism

If you’re starting a business or blog or trying to establish yourself in an industry, you can guarantee your success by being trustworthy.

Here’s how:

1) Provide value.

Sometimes those words come across as empty. Or maybe just confusing. How do you provide value? At its essence, it’s simple: be a problem solver.

If you solve problems you will not only be well paid but well liked and well lived.

How do you find problems to solve? Ask, listen, and pay attention to your people.

If you’ve been here for a while you know that I never planned on monetizing this blog or creating products. This was my passion project. But after getting well over a hundred e-mails asking how to do what I do, I decided to solve the problem by creating How To Live Anywhere. That way I can still write about whatever I want to write about here, but if you’re interested in learning how to do exactly what I do you can go there.

2) State your own opinions and ideas.

There are too many people simply rehashing thoughts and ideas. And while you might think that some of my ideas aren’t necessarily unique, I do put my own spin on them. I don’t agree with everybody about everything, even many of my peers who I respect. You don’t earn trust or respect by being a pushover lapdog.

3) Help others.

It doesn’t matter if you’re interacting with someone “famous” or not, treat them well. Help them when and where you can. Yes, it does suck getting the same type of e-mail 10, 20, 100 times per day. If you have to, create stock responses, but sheesh, at least respond. If someone takes time out of their day to contact you, to pour their heart out to you, is it really so difficult to get back to them?

There are a handful of mind bogglingly successful (and busy) people I have e-mailed who personally responded with thoughtful responses. (And I’m not referring to Gary V.) If they can do it, so can you.

4) Showcase your true personality.

This goes along with state your own opinions and ideas.

Bill O’Reilly is a douchebag, but the reason he has such a devoted following is because he has personality. Sure it might be a hateful, abhorable, cantakerous personality, but it’s a personality. And lots of people connect with it. Then people like me write about it even though we don’t want him to get even more free publicity. ;)

You have a personality. It’s interesting to your right people. Make sure they can see it!

In a recent CopyBlogger article, Johnny B. Truant talks about his alter-ego. I’m not advocating copying Johnny’s approach directly because it’s difficult to pull off, but let the passion in your art, heart, and mind shine.

I liken it to a comedian who is funny in public, but just a “regular person” in private. Fans expect comedians to be “on” all the time, but they’re not. That’s not the art. The art is standing up on stage and making a room full of people forget about their problems (see what I did there?) and laugh.

Your blog, your public persona, is your stage. Dominate that stage. Trust in that stage. In return, your audience will trust that you deserve to be on that stage.

5) If you tell someone you’re going to do something, do it.

Being a man/woman of your word is the ultimate showcase of your trustworthiness. You will be forgiven if you make mistakes, or if you’re late or you realize you just can’t make something happen. But if you make failing people a habit the trust will diminish. Quickly.

6) Be cool.

You’re a leader for your audience. And you’re probably in the audience of a leader (or leaders). Treat your audience the way you want to be treated. Before taking any action think to yourself “Is this cool of me or not?”

Success does change people, whether they want to admit it or not. I’ve seen it so many times, with myself and my peers, that I know it’s true. But success is more than just a catalyst for change, success actually brings out the real you. If you come to find out the real you is a greedy sack of depression (that’s what I found out 5-6 years ago) you can take steps to change that and just be cool. (These days I’m a fun loving sack of ping pong balls!)

7) Provide value.

In the mid-90s J Yuenger, guitarist from the band White Zombie, had a monthly article in Guitar World magazine. Every month he offered advice to musicians and bands who hadn’t yet made it. One piece of advice: if you have a song that your fans love, open and close with it. Open with a bang, close with a bang. (Yes, my brain does remember everything.)

Providing value is so important I’m opening and closing this list with it.

Your business, your brand (I don’t really like that word, but it gets the point across), boils down to this …

Without trust, what are you left with?

“When you suspect you are in the presence of an infector, don’t argue, don’t try to help, don’t pass the person on to your friends, or you will become enmeshed. Flee the infector’s presence or suffer the consequences.” Robert Green (Author of The 48 Laws of Power)

I kinda stole the title to this blog post from the book The 48 Laws of Power. Law 10 is “Infection: Avoid The Unhappy and Unlucky.” I’m now about half way through the book, and I’m a little scared by it. I’m being truthful. I honestly am not sure how I feel about The 48 Laws, but I can’t stop reading.

It’s a little bit serendipitous that I started reading this particular book at this particular time, considering how I ended The Absolute Idiot’s Guide To Inspiration: “If there is someone in your life who brings you down or stifles your creativity, break ties with them immediately. It doesn’t matter who they are. They’re toxic and they don’t deserve you.”

If you’re like me or any other normal person (Did I just call myself normal? Yes, I did!), you probably want to help people who very clearly need help. Whether that’s helping them up off the ground when they fall or giving someone in front of you at the grocery store a dollar because they’re short on change, we all like to do good. But that direct do goodery is not what I’m talking about.

The Bad Kind of Good

At one time or another, we’ve all had a friend who brings us down. We try to help, giving our time and soul, but it’s to no avail. We think we’re “doing good,” but we’re not. Not only does this friend not listen, they complain that whatever you’re offering isn’t going to help.

They do anything they can to keep digging themselves in a hole because then they can be “right.” You know: “Well, I knew that wasn’t going to work out.”

It almost turns into a contest. How many shitty things can they be right about?

You already know I don’t believe in luck: Life Lesson #94: There is no such thing as luck. You either make good things happen or bad things happen. If someone consistently tells themself something bad is going to happen, then something bad is going to happen. And then they can be right! And more bad stuff will happen, because they so, so, so want to be right they’ll do everything they can to keep being right!

It’s almost fun for them (almost) to be right in the wrong way. “I’m right about how much my life sucks and nothing ever goes the way I want it to. Yay!”

Unfortunately, You Get Dragged Down As Well

Yeah, you know what happens.

They bring you along for the ride.

You start feeling like garbage. You begin to feel the same way your friend feels. And when you start feeling worse, your friend goes even further into the pits of despair. It’s a sick sick cycle.

How To Break Ties With Toxic Friends

First, know this: it’s OK to not want to be friends with someone you’re currently friends with.

Second, know this: there is no easy way to break the ties.

It’s going to be difficult. Extraordinarily difficult.

If you’ve already broken the ties with someone like this, you know exactly how difficult.

There are two approaches you can take to getting rid of friends who are bringing you down. First, the direct approach. Second, the indirect approach. Everything falls into one of these two camps.

Let’s break it down.

The Direct Approach To Getting Rid of Unwanted Friends

The direct approach is tough. You basically state that you just don’t want to be friends anymore. It’s just as awkward as breaking up any other relationship. :)

Depending on how you do it, this approach may be too harsh. And if your friend is mentally unstable it may result in dire consequences.

If you’re going to take the direct approach don’t attack or accuse. Bring the fault upon your shoulders.

The Indirect Approach To Getting Rid of Unwanted Friends

This approach isn’t much easier, especially if it’s a friend you talk to/hang out with very regularly. That said, this is the way more friendships end: naturally. They fade away instead of burning out. Only, in this case, you’re actively fading away.

How?

When your toxic friend wants to hang out, have other plans. Ignoring someone is weak so don’t outright ignore them if they contact you. Just don’t go out of your way to hang out with them, knowing they’ll make you feel like shit in the end.

If you do hang out with said friend (considering you’re fading away instead of burning out, this may happen), don’t take the bait. Meaning, when they complain or gossip or do anything to bring themselves and you down, don’t react. Change the subject or state something positive in response. And if it gets really bad, just leave.

What To Do Once You’ve Rid Yourself Of The Toxicity

Now that you got rid of a friend, you might need a new friend. Especially if the toxic friend was someone you were close with and saw on a regular basis.

I’m not an expert at making friends. I would even go so far as to say I’m not really very good at it. But here is what I’ve learned in the past 8 months of traveling and forcing myself to make new friends:

a) Ditch your iPod when you’re out and about. If you’re closed off to the world, the world will close itself off from you. Nobody is going to randomly talk to you if you have headphones on.

b) Say “Hi” and smile a lot, with no expectations. Simple, but not easy. You can make this into a game: see how many people you can say “Hi” to in one hour, one evening, or one day. ~10% of the time it will actually turn into a conversation. And that’s how any relationship begins.

c) Hang out in places where the people you’d like to hang out with already hang out. How many more times could I have used “hang out” in that sentence? At least one more time, but I spared you! You’re welcome. ;) This one is obvious, you wouldn’t try to sell food to someone who just ate, right? I mean, you could try, but you probably wouldn’t be successful. So don’t hang out in places where people you don’t want to attract hang out. Do things you enjoy doing and you will naturally meet other fun people who enjoy the same stuff as you.

d) Start a blog. I’ll write about this more some day, but connecting with people online is a great way to then connect with people offline. If you’ve written a blog for any length of time, I’m willing to bet you’ve met with at least one of your readers or another blogger in the same niche as you.

For additional reading, check out Gala Darling on Negative People. More serendipity? Gala’s issue #8 of Love & Sequins is all about Friendship: http://galadarling.com/article/love-sequins-8

Oh look, it’s your turn!

I’m going to take a page from Havi Brooks, and ask for specifically what I want and don’t want in the comments.

Don’t wants:

- Negativity. That’s obvious, right? :) Truthfully, I don’t even have to state this because you’re awesome and I’ve never had a problem with negative comments. Yay! Thank you for being sweet!

Wants:

- Positive ways to end a negative friendship. Since it’s a touchy subject, and I’m by no means an authority, let’s brainstorm how to make this necessary part of life happen more peacefully.

- Awesome ways to meet fun new people. Again, I’m not an expert, so I’m down for trying any new social experiment. What has worked for you?