I made all of this vegan food in Chiang Mai, Thailand!

How do you piss off vegans the world over and maybe piss off non-vegans as well?

By writing what I’m about to write. ;)

Traveling on a vegan diet isn’t necessarily difficult, but it is more challenging than willy-nilly eating anything and everything in sight.

My veganism is out of respect for animals. A lot of my ideas on veganism are rooted in Buddhism. I am not, however, anywhere near a Buddhist. I am simply a fan of some of the philosophy.

An Overview (Paraphrased from the book Monk Chat, published by Wat Suan Dok, Chiang Mai, Thailand)

Monks must abstain from killing living things. Therefore, monks are vegan. Technically. There is a loophole.

Every morning they must go on their alms round. Which is a way for laypeople (Buddhists who are not monks) to make merit (Tam Boon). As the monks make their alms round, laypeople give them food. Monks are not allowed to refuse any food, whether it has animal ingredients or not.

And that’s the loophole. If the people who are making merit offer food with animals, the monk has to accept it. :(

There are, however, 10 kinds of meat a monk may not eat under any circumstances: human, elephant, horse, dog, serpent, lion, bear, feline tigris, leopard, or yellow tiger. Do not ask me why, as I do not know.

Monks follow the idea of “eat to live, not live to eat.” Most of Western society lives to eat, hence all the obesity and heart disease. We should eat for nourishment, as fuel for our incredible bodies, as opposed to simply for enjoyment. Food is for survival.

My Interpretation

It all boils down to respect. A monk cannot disrespect the layperson by refusing their food. And so, he must eat the food, whatever it happens to be.

I take this same stance. If I order food that is supposed to be vegan and it arrives un-veganized I have only 2 options.

1) Find someone who will eat it and order new food.

or

2) Eat it myself if I can’t find someone to eat it.

Under no circumstances may I throw the food away (by sending it back). An animal has provided that food with their life and I won’t disrespect it like that.

Fortunately, I have yet to come across a situation where I have been accidentally given meat. I’m still unsure how I will react in that situation, but I have a feeling I will not have a problem finding someone to eat the food.

Yes, I have eaten dairy products since going vegan. And I have absolutely no problems calling myself a vegan. I don’t purposefully buy non-vegan food and I don’t prepare non-vegan food when I’m eating at home.

When I was in Berlin recently I ordered a cheese-less pizza. Unfortunately it arrived with cheese and enough garlic to kill a man. Not a single person at our table wanted the pizza due to the overpowering smell of garlic. I ate it. Throwing it away would be extraordinarily disrespectful. Not only to the animal who was mistreated and eventually died to provide that cheese, but to anybody who has ever gone hungry (billions of people every day).

I submit that if you’re a vegan due to compassion for animals that you should follow this same path.

Think about it, which of the following is more compassionate?

1) Eating cheese that you didn’t order. The animal you didn’t want to die for you has been given to you to eat. If you eat it, at least it didn’t die for absolutely nothing.

or

2) Throwing away the cheese you didn’t order. The animal you didn’t want to die for you has been given to you to eat. If you don’t eat it, you’re pissing on its life. It died for nothing. And it will be your fault that it died for nothing. You do not have a worthy argument otherwise. (Except lactose intolerance, which I definitely understand.)

It’s an obvious choice if you truly are compassionate.

Stress Free Living

Stress kills. Stop it. ;)

A couple of years ago a friend of mine said, “Karol, you have the most stress free life out of anybody I know.”

At the time I laughed because that wasn’t true at all. In fact, it was quite opposite.

These days, however, most of my choices boil down to whatever is least stressful and I probably do have the least stressful life of anybody I know.

It is less stressful to eat a bit of dairy I didn’t order than to whine and complain that “the stupid chef (or cashier or line cook) is a god damned idiot.” They’re not idiots. They’re human. We are amazingly imperfect creatures and we make mistakes.

Eating vegan, in and of itself, helps release lots of stress. Not only on my mind, but on my body. Animal products are incredibly difficult for our bodies to digest. Especially dairy, which is meant for calves, not grown humans. From a health standpoint dairy is just nasty, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Preaching Veganism

I don’t preach. Yes, I do want you to eat a vegan diet. Not vegetarian. Vegan. But I don’t care if you’re an omnivore. I will date you (err, if you’re female, haha), I will be friends with you, and I will probably even pay for dinner if we go out and you order a meat dish. It’s not my place to force my choices upon you.

There are many arguments against veganism and every single one is unfounded. I won’t go into any of them here. I just ask that you do a lot of research if you really want the truth. Preferably research that’s not funded by the beef or dairy industries, which will be biased.

It sucks when somebody comments on my blog, e-mails me, or discusses in person their misinformed ideas about the meat and dairy industries. But I don’t correct them. I’m not interested in arguments (Life Lesson #8). I simply ask them to research what they’re saying. And so, if you comment below with misinformed arguments you should save your time because they will not be accepted.

How To Make Vegan Travel Easy

Now that we’ve determined that if there is a mistake made you will not disrespect the animal, let’s get into the details of how to actually eat a vegan diet while traveling to unknown lands where you may not speak the language. It’s actually pretty darn easy to eat vegan anywhere in the world!

1) Eat lots of fruit.

Fruit is available and plentiful everywhere. And, of course, it’s vegan and incredibly nourishing. ;) While eating only fruit (Fruitarian) would not work well for me, I have gone a full day eating only fruit on at least 1 occasion. Not sustainable (for me) for the long haul, but one day? Sure, I can handle that.

I eat a lot of fruit anyway.

In India I ate ~20 lady finger bananas per day. These are very small bananas, maybe the equivalent of 6 or 7 regular bananas. In addition to that I ate lots of whatever other fruit was available. Fuji apples, grapes, strawberries, and papaya were plentiful. And, of course, my daily fresh coconut for 20 Rupees. :)

Fruit is an important part of our diet and most of us don’t get enough. I definitely didn’t until I started eating vegan.

I call bananas the perfect travel food. You can pick a banana out of a mud pit, open it up, and eat it. :) No need to worry about the outside getting dirty because you only want the sweet fibrous inside. In addition, no utensils necessary.

My favorite fruit in the whole world (besides the not-so-easily-available Jakfruit) is mango, but I’m not a fan of the preparation. Thankfully, in Thailand I was able to eat mango a few times per day. For 10 Baht (~30 cents) it was freshly sliced and ready to devour. And it’s available everywhere in Thailand (along with many other fruits) at the ubiquitous Thai street carts.

When you arrive in a new city immediately go out and find the nearest market (or corner store or anything) that sells fruit and stock up. It’s simple, it’s cheap, it’s healthy, and it’s vegan.

Note: avocado is a fruit. Mmmm … I love avocado. Here is how to check for ripeness: do not squeeze! You will bruise the insides. Instead, push in the stem a little. If it gives it’s ripe. If it doesn’t give then wait a day or two.

2) Eat lots of beans / whole grains.

Whether you’re making your own food or eating out, beans and whole grains (brown rice, quinoa, etc.) are a perfect combination of food available in most parts of the world.

My favorite dish is a combo of black beans with either quinoa or brown rice (and avocado if I have a ripe one handy). Quinoa is much less readily available so I usually have brown rice. I eat this at least once/day and sometimes twice.

3) Eat lots of vegetables.

Due to so many vegetables needing some kind of preparation I’m not a great vegetable eater. While I eat them daily, I eat far more fruits than vegetables.

My favorite easy to prepare vegetables are tomatoes (crap, another fruit? haha) and broccoli. I eat these raw and sometimes I eat tomatoes like they’re apples. When I was younger I didn’t like tomatoes at all, but as I grew and my palate changed I grew to love them.

If you’re not a vegetable fan you might have to train your palate. Try something new every time you go to the market and you will eventually find something you like. And remember: different varieties of the same vegetable taste completely different. There are some tomatoes I’m not a huge fan of. And mushrooms have so many different flavors it’s insane. Continually test your palate!

Eating a nice salad every day is an easy way to get a lot of your vegetables in one fell swoop. I’ve been known to eat an almost 2 pound salad (lots of greens, LOTS of tomatoes) for dinner. :)

Salads are available in virtually every restaurant in the world. Eat a big enough salad and it is quite filling.

4) Eat nuts.

Nuts are also available everywhere and greats sources of many nutrients. Goa, India is known for its cashews (kaju) and you can bet I ate a LOT of them while I was there. They are my favorite nut. Unsalted, raw, of course. Nuts pack lots of much needed energy in the forms of protein and fat. You don’t want to make nuts your staple, but eat a little bit regularly. They’re also great while you’re in transit (planes, trains, and automobiles).

5) Research local restauarants.

HappyCow.net has listings for veg and veg-friendly restaurants all over the world. (Don’t waste your money on their iPhone app if you have an iPod Touch. It’s a waste.)

If there are a lot of restaurants listed on HappyCow I also post in the CouchSurfing.org Group (message board) for whatever city I’m going to be in to get favorite veg restaurant recommendations.

Restaurants where you should never have a problem finding veg food:

• Indian – Channa Masala and lots of other stuff.
• Thai – veg/rice/tofu.

You will find Indian and/or Thai restaurants in so many cities in the world it’s crazy. Even here in Wrocław, there are two Indian restaurants that I know about.

Bonus restaurant tip: If you pass by a health food type store walk in and ask about local veg-friendly restaurants. I had trouble finding a decent restaurant in Cairns, QLD, Australia and asked a girl at a health food store. She said there aren’t many options (boo Cairns!), but gave me directions to a Mexican restaurant. This Mexican restaurant actually had a vegan menu! :)

6) Allow yourself some junk food.

I promise once you start eating a whole food plant-based diet that your cravings for junk will almost completely subside. I rarely crave junk. But when I do? I go all out. I will happily eat a whole bag of chips or a veggie burger (or 3) or a pizza or a 2 liter bottle of soda. It doesn’t happen often, but when I have a really strong craving I let myself at it. Some people advocate having a “cheat day” once/week. For me that’s far too often and sometimes not often enough. It would be forced. As I sit here right now I am eating a 90% dark chocolate bar. :) I probably won’t finish it, but I won’t deny myself if I happen to want to eat every last bite.

Another thing about junk food: when you’re in new lands you will find some very interesting choices in vegan junk food! The best, by far, is in India. I’ll let you discover it for yourself. ;)

What About Soy?

You’ll notice I don’t mention soy above. I’m not a huge fan. In Thailand I ate soy regularly because it was part of a lot of local cuisine (in the form of tofu). For the most part I don’t eat soy.

That said, I’m currently in a phase of drinking one B12 fortified glass of soy milk every day. B12 is the one nutrient that I have had trouble introducing into my diet without drinking soy milk. I can handle that.

Claims that soy is unhealthy are incredibly overblown. (Again, I ask that you research it yourself. Don’t believe anything I state.)

Learn The Local Vegan Options Ahead of Time

If you can, do a little research about traditional meals that are already vegan. If you know ahead of time which meals should be vegan that will make things a lot easier on you. My best suggestion: utilize CouchSurfing again. :) Go into the Country Group (or any City Group) and ask what meals are traditionally vegan. There may be none, but it’s worth asking.

The Language Barrier

The language barrier is what can sometimes cause the aforementioned un-veganized food at restaurants.

It’s fairly easy to solve: learn how to say you don’t eat meat or milk or cheese or butter in whatever language you’ll be encountering. If you’re not willing to do that then you could always sit at home, watch TV, and do nothing. ;)

Back to keeping things less stressful: don’t worry too much about the language barrier. When you start traveling things seem to just fall into place. I could write for days about this topic (or any topic) and you’ll never learn as much as by experiencing it for yourself.

Emergency Rations

On the overnight train to Chiang Mai from Bangkok there was a menu with 8 or 9 meat options and 1 vegetarian option. I ordered the vegetarian option, but it wasn’t available. Dammit. The lady taking orders refused to accept that chicken was not a vegetarian option. I spent a good 1-2 minutes insisting she not give me chicken because it is not vegetarian. (I run into this a lot. Chickens and fish are animals people!)

I travel with some sort of emergency rations. Currently that is a Clif Bar. Important: these rations must only be used in an emergency! Like, when you haven’t eaten for 14 hours on your train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai. :)

Emergency Rations For The Emergency Rations!

As you may know if you’ve gone through my whole packing list I carry a Light My Fire Spork with me everywhere. In case I need an actual quick “meal” and can’t find it this is what I do.

1) Head into any super market / convenience store.

2) Buy a can of beans (my preference is black or kidney) with an easy open top. (If not available, buy the can of beans and a can opener.)

3) Open the can a little and dump out the water. (I usually rinse the beans with clean water as well.)

4) Enjoy!

You might scoff at this, but a can of beans is a filling, healthy, nutritious meal. And it’s cheap to boot!

I don’t always use this as an emergency meal. Sometimes I just want to eat a can of beans and make this a nice little meal/snack. :)

Keep An Open Mind

Would you believe it if I told you that steak houses are one of the easiest restaurants to eat vegan? Think about it. Baked potatoes, beans, lots of salad options. If your friends want to go to a restaurant that is “obviously” not vegan, stop to think about it for a second. When my friends want to eat at a traditionally non-vegan restaurant I don’t usually have any problems eating a very filling meal.

A Learning Process

Eating vegan while traveling is a learning process. Before I embarked on my adventures I was as worried as anybody about being able to eat vegan. It has been a fun experience eating vegan in Australia, New Zealand, India, Thailand, Germany, and Poland.

On many occasions (usually while staying at hostels), when I’d make a meal others would comment on how amazing it looked. When you use lots of fruits/vegetables your meals look quite appetizing. ;)

If you’re worried about traveling to far off lands and keeping a vegan diet, stop worrying. Start living.

Special Note On Comments:

If you have anything negative to say, if you’re not willing to do your research (as stated above), or if you’re making stupid arguments your comment will be trashed.

Feel free to add positive thoughts or helpful points for vegan travel. Thanks!

“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” – Cheshire Cat (via Lewis Carroll)

When you’re Living Anywhere it means you’re moving to new places on a fairly regular basis. At the very least you’re traveling to new cities regularly.

Before I get into the details here let me flat out state that this is not incredibly useful if you’re on holiday for a week. (Although it would be a fun exercise if you were on holiday as well.)

I have a simple strategy I use to learn new cities. It works fantastically well, especially in places where you can’t read or pronounce street names. :)

Getting Lost

I moved into a new place just outside of the Rynek (market square) area of Wrocław, Poland a week ago and wanted to get to know my new area. Three days ago I went for an open-ended (no real time limit) bike ride with purpose: to get lost and still make it to a specific place. The only map I have of Wrocław is from the Centrum Informacji Turystycznej (Tourist Information) and it only covers the city centre. I would be exploring further out.

I lived my first 6 months (of life as a fat baby) in a neighborhood called Sępolno, and this is also where two of my Grandparents are buried. I knew the general direction of Sępolno, but didn’t know how to get there or exactly how far it was. I did know the cemetary was along the Odra River since I took the public transport there before (1 hour trip from my previous residence in the Popowice neighborhood).

At 12:30pm I took off over the brick streets and sidewalks of Wrocław. 30 minutes later I happened upon Ogród Japoński (Japanese Garden).  It’s actually only a 10-15 minute bike ride from where I live, but remember … I’m getting lost. Exploring, taking turns, not remembering exactly how I’m going to get back to my starting point. :)

Behind the Japanese Garden is a big park and I like parks so I stopped to relax for ~30 minutes.

Stopping to relax is an important part of this journey. It makes it much more difficult to remember how you got to the point where you’re at. In other words, you have to actually think about where you are which will help you remember how you got there. Confusing? It’s not. ;)

I got back on my bike and started pedaling. I took a few turns, left, right, right, left … and then stumbled upon a sign for Sępolno telling me to turn right again! So I did and rode along the Odra River for about 15 minutes. You can guess exactly where I ended up: the aforementioned cemetary. I hung out there for a half hour and decided to find my way back to the Rynek so I could get dinner at Vega before meeting up with friends at 5:30.

This is where it gets fun and stuff goes wrong. ;)

Instead of making my way back the way I came I took a detour. Across one bridge. Across another bridge. Across yet another bridge. To the point of not knowing which side of the Odra I should be on. I chose a direction and rode for 20-30 minutes. :)

Eventually, as I was making my way to Siberia, I asked a nice lady how to get to the Rynek. (Important point once you’re incredibly lost.) She laughed at me and said I am not anywhere near where I want to be. Then she proceeded to giving me 27 directions. “Najprostszą droge,” she says. (The straightest road or the quickest/simplest way.)

If you need to ask for directions and you don’t speak the local language ask younger people. The younger generation is more likely to know English.

Blood! Sandals! Lessons Learned!

Almost immediately upon departing for this “najprostszą droge” I came upon a middle-aged lady in the middle of the bike lane and I rang my bell to let her know I was going to pass. I always ring my bell about 30 feet behind people because everybody gets freaked out by bike bells. This lady was no exception. She made a b-line for the bushes lining the bike lane and took the worst spill I’d seen since this.

I helped her up, which wasn’t easy considering she decided to get her legs tangled in her bike frame. As she stood up we noticed the blood leaking from her foot. It wasn’t too bad, but there was a lot of blood and her left sandal had a new paint job. The dirty white wasn’t fitting anyway. :)

Lessons learned:

1) Don’t wear sandals on a bike.

2) Don’t ride your bike in the middle of the lane. Stay on the right or left and people can pass you without problems!

As I’m writing this I am cooped up in my apartment due to my own bike spill yesterday. :) Karma!

Success!

30 minutes later, after taking a few more detours, I made it to Vega and had some fantastic vegan gołąbki.

Along the way I got to see lots of scenery I would not have seen otherwise. And now when I go north of Wroclaw I can make it back with less problems (and hopefully less blood). Next mission: get lost in the south. ;)

How To Get Lost

By now you’re probably thinking “gee Karol, I’d also like to make old ladies bleed! How do I get in on this action?!”

Simple:

Leave your home on foot or bike (not public transportation) and take a leisurely stroll for an undetermined length of time in any direction. Go down small side streets. Stumble into markets. Say “hello” to random people.

The important thing is not to have a time limit. I actually had somewhat of a time limit in the story above since I was going to meet friends. It took me 4 hours to go round trip to a place that’s about 20 minutes away on bike so I did give myself lots of leeway. ;)

Your turn: what’s your single best tip for learning a new city?

“Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.” #16 on the Dalai Lama’s 18 rules to live by.

When I started CouchSurfing in early 2008 I started meeting lots of people who traveled regularly and had been all around the world.

When they’d ask me about my travels I wouldn’t have much to talk about. And some of them would make it worse by acting like holier-than-thou travelers.

My response would usually be something along the lines of “Uhh, well, I went to Poland…3 years ago.”

And I was embarrassed by that.

I’d been to more than half the states in the U.S. (touring with bands), Canada a few times, and Poland and Mexico twice a piece, but that didn’t seem spectacular enough.

I hadn’t been to the beaches of the Caribbean, or backpacked through Europe, or visited the Great Wall.

I just didn’t think I had any grand stories to tell and I was embarrassed when conversing with people who did.

Travel Is An Individual Experience

The more I thought about it, the more I realized:

a) It didn’t matter whether I was well-traveled or not.

and

b) I did have interesting stories to tell about the travels I had experienced.

I’d done two 3-week road trips around the U.S. on rock tours. The first covered about 3,000 miles and the second over 7,000. I didn’t think that was really anything special because I hadn’t left the homeland.

But the truth is they are special because they happened to me, they’re a part of my story, and I had an amazing time on each tour. Nobody can take that away from me, no matter how epic their around the world adventures.

There Is A Lot To See

U.S. citizens get flak for not being well-traveled. I can’t find verified statistics, but supposedly only 25% of Americans have passports. (Hey, no comments about me using the word Americans! Everybody in the world calls residents of the USA Americans. It is what it is, yeah?) It doesn’t matter if you never set foot outside of the United States because there is a lifetime of travel to experience there. Hell, there are probably a lifetime of travel experiences in each U.S. State, much less the whole country. (The same probably holds true for wherever you live.)

How To Feel Like You Belong

My trip to Germany is no better than your trip to Northern Wisconsin. Your trip to Dublin is no better than my trip to San Francisco. And so on …

They’re all personal journeys involving individual experiences and should be treated and respected as such.

What I finally did to get over my shyness in the presence of those more well-traveled was to start telling my stories like they were important and I was proud of them, because I was, I am.

The easiest way to get your stories sounding interesting is to write them down. Write them down (hopefully while you’re experiencing them) to the very last most interesting detail. Read the story aloud so you’re more comfortable telling it and then don’t worry about it. You don’t have to be perfect when retelling.

The trick is to not feel subpar when a travel snob overshadows your story with one of their own. Realize it’s on them and they have an ego that needs to be fed. Simply listen, feed their ego, make them feel good about it, and you’ll feel good about it too.

I love hearing stories about weekend camping trips just as much as I enjoy hearing stories about year long trips to Asia. If the storyteller is passionate about what they’re talking about I’ll feel the passion listening to what they have to say.

Money Is No Excuse

Some people will complain that they really don’t have any travel stories to tell because they can’t afford it.

One of my favorite travel experiences was a 2 day/1 night canoe/camping trip on the Withlacoochee River in Florida. A group of 10 of us borrowed 3 canoes (had to strap one on top of a little Nissan!) and headed to the river.

Can you spot the gator? ;)

It’s there that I saw my first wild alligator. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but having gone 27 years without seeing an alligator I was ecstatic. The memory is burned in my mind. Learning we can coexist with such amazing creatures in the wild was a life affirming experience for me.

Then we set up camp on the banks of the Withlacoochee just 100 meters after seeing a whole group of gators. Maybe not the smartest thing to do, but when you’re not at “official” campgrounds you have to set up camp wherever you find a decent spot.

Total cost of the trip? $30 for gas (petrol) and food.

It’s not about how much you spend, or even where you go, it’s about getting out there and doing things you enjoy doing with people you love and people you just met.

Nobody can take that away from you no matter how many languages they speak, how many stamps in their passports, or how many frequent flier miles they accumulate.

Not Enjoying Travel Is A Valid Excuse

Some people just don’t like to travel. That doesn’t mean they lack culture or aren’t interested in other people. It just means they don’t like to travel. Nothing more, nothing less.

So if you’re conversing with someone who’s never traveled anywhere and has no desire to there is still a lot to learn from them.

Find out what they are interested in.

What interesting sights are there to see and what fun things are there to do in their home towns?

Asking those questions to everybody you meet might just result in you having another travel story of your own to tell.

And when you do have travel stories to tell don’t annoy people with them. Share, don’t annoy. It’s a fine line and something I have to remind myself regularly.

As an aside, even now I’m not interested in visiting the most places, but simply new places (and revisiting old places). A lot of people I talk to rack up countries like a game. And that’s awesome! It’s just not for me and doesn’t have to be for you either.

It has been an awesome couple of weeks during the How To Live Anywhere launch. Thank you for being a part of it! Let’s switch gears from all the business focused articles for at least a day, huh?

Last year, I wrote an article on ZenHabits called The Beginner’s Guide To Minimalist Travel. If you haven’t already read it, go ahead and check it out after we’re done here.

We’re going to take minimalist travel to the next level.

As an ultra light traveler (ok, technically not) my goal is not only to pack as little as possible, but everything I pack should have multiple uses.

As an example, I use the Dr Bronner’s soap I mentioned in The Beginner’s Guide as body wash, face wash, toothpaste, and laundry detergent. I stopped washing my hair with hair products almost a year ago so I don’t use it as shampoo, but it can also be used in place of your shampoo.

1) Use USB Rechargeable Electronics

If you’re traveling it’s a given that you’re going to bring electronics with you. Especially if you’re like me and you’re working as you travel. I’ve got a laptop, an iPod, a digital camera, a Flip Video camera, and a small flashlight (torch).

But I’ve cut my chargers down to the bare minimum.

While my laptop is charging (or I’m working) I charge most of my electronics.

My iPod charges with a small iPod cable and not the big iPod charger and the batteries to my Flip and flashlight charge using a small USB AA/AAA battery charger.

You can buy a USB battery charger almost anywhere that sells rechargeable batteries. If you can’t find it locally, Amazon has them.

Unfortunately, my digital camera has it’s own proprietary charger, but thankfully it’s very small.

2) Stick To One Credit Card and One ATM Card

The rationale for traveling with more (what I’ve heard from people I’ve met) seems to be “well, if something happens to one, I still have a back up.”

On the surface that seems like a great argument, but it’s completely unnecessary.

Let’s pretend you fall into the unfortunate situation of getting mugged. If you get mugged all of your credit cards will probably be taken. If you lose your wallet the same holds true. Having a backup in either of these worst-case-scenarios will be utterly useless. (Unless you happen to keep your cards in different places.)

Instead, stick to one credit card. Either one that gets you the most points or cashback or one that doesn’t charge international fees (my preference).

If you’re in the U.S. get a Capital One credit card. They don’t charge international fees so you never have to worry about being hit with the industry standard 3% fee for the “privelege” of using your card in another country.

Along with your no fee credit card, find a bank that offers no fee ATM withdrawals. Many online banks with corresponding stock trading accounts offer ATM cards that refund your ATM fees worldwide.

Additionally, sometimes banks in your home country will have an association with banks in other countries. For example, with my Bank of America ATM card I get fee free ATM withdrawals from any Westpac bank in Australia or New Zealand or Deutsche Bank here in Wroclaw, Poland. :)

Confession: I also travel with an Amex Platinum card so I have access to their benefits. Completely worthless card to actually use for transactions outside of the USA though.

3) Replace Your Shaving Cream or Foam With Shaving Oil

Shaving oil is a shaving cream/foam replacement that packs up much smaller than even travel sized shaving products. It’s also good for both men and women.

Shaving oil is not the same as pre-shave oil. Pre-shave oil is a conditioning oil used before your shaving cream/foam. Shaving oil, on the other hand, is used in place of shaving cream/foam.

I personally use Pacific Shaving Oil and love it more than any other shaving product I’ve ever used. One tiny bottle is good for 50-100 shaves depending on how many drops of oil you need to use. I use 8-9 drops per shave.

Just as important as being a minimalist product, shaving oil provides a very smooth, close, shave. I have horribly sensitive skin and Pacific Shaving Oil is the only product I’ve ever used that keeps me from getting razor burn. (I think it’s the only company I’m a fan of (err, I mean Like of, haha) on Facebook.)

4) Pack Your Own Towl

That’s not a misspelling. I’m referring to the MSR Packtowl. It’s a highly absorbent towel that packs up like a deck of cards. It may not be luxurious, but it’s small, light, dries incredibly quickly, and gets the job done.

It’s a must in the bag of any minimalist, ultra-light, traveler.

If you’re staying in hotels this isn’t relevant for you, of course. But the PackTowl is indispensible if you’re camping, hosteling, or CouchSurfing.

5) Vapur-ize Your Water

I forgot to write about this in my updated packing list because I didn’t use it in India or Thailand. Been using it daily here in Poland. Speaking of Thailand, on the streets all around Chiang Mai there are purified bottle refill stations for big 5 liter water bottles. It costs only 1-2 Baht (2-6 US pennies) for a refill. I do have video of the process and will post it some day. :) Tangent over …

The Vapur anti-bottle, available through Vapur.us or Amazon ($7 more expensive on Amazon), is one of those products I can’t believe I didn’t come up with myself. Not only is it BPA-free, but it rolls up tiny.

Let me repeat that last part: the Vapur water bottle rolls up. It rolls up! Which means you can take a reusable water bottle with you anywhere.

You might be thinking “Doesn’t buying a new water bottle go against what minimalism is all about?”

Not necessarily.

Minimalism isn’t only about not buying stuff. It’s about living with the essentials and not overconsuming.

If you regularly buy bottles of water you now have no excuse not to take a reusable bottle with you everywhere. The Vapur fits anywhere.

And if you already have a bulky reusable water bottle give it to a family member or friend.

Traveling with a 16oz (almost half liter) water bottle that folds or rolls up simply makes more sense than any other option.

I hereby declare you ready to travel the world with the bare minimum. The absolute essentials. When you have the best time of your life thank yourself for having the courage to be a minimalist.

#####

I’ve had lots of new friends visiting here in the past few days. Is that you? Hi! I’m Karol (Carl not Carol). Thank you for stopping by. I write about fun things like traveling the world, minimalism, challenging authority and ourselves, and working from anywhere via a laptop. I don’t know how many thing I own (I’ve never counted) but I live out of a 32L backpack and own 3 t-shirts. :) Welcome! I hope you stick around.

“Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.” – Maya Angelou

I discovered Maya Angelou when I was 15 because one of my favorite artists, Fiona Apple, loved her. Thanks Fiona and thanks Maya for providing such a powerful quote.

Most people are born with an interest in travel that never subsides. The fact that blogs like Chris Guillebeau’s, Gary Arndt’s, or this one (on a much much smaller scale) are as popular as they are is proof of this fact.

The problem is that most of us, and I fell into this trap too, put it off. Either for 1-2 weeks at a time on a yearly vacation or “until some day when X happens.” Whatever eXcuse (get it?) you have for continuing on living a life you’re not thrilled with, it’s unfounded. There is always a way. (I just set myself up for a slew of “but, but, but my situation is different” comments/e-mails.)

As you already know from Lesson #13, you’re not as different as you think. Whatever situation you’re in, someone has already been there and still made things happen.

In another post I will present to you the “how.” Here now, I present to you the “why”: 21 reasons you should quit your day job and travel the world …

1. You’ll become more open minded and learn to treat people with more respect. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Unless, maybe, you stay in sanitized resorts. But since not many people can afford to stay in sanitized resorts long term, this isn’t even an issue.
2. Your job is dragging you down. (In very rare cases it’s not, and that rules.)
3. You’re unhappy.
4. Slaving away is getting in the way of your dreams.
5. Traveling long term is cheaper than living wherever you’re living.
6. It will stretch you to do things you didn’t think you could do.
7. You might not have any big “revelations” or “aha moments” but you’ll have a blast anyway.
8. If you have kids it will set them up for a life of independence instead of setting them up to be cogs in a machine. We need more children who are exposed to how most other people live instead of sanitized first world society. I met a British family, 5 kids aged 6-16 and their Parents, on the train up to Chiang Mai. The kids were having a ball experiencing all these new things and I could already pick out leadership qualities among each of them. In addition, they were incredibly respectful, which I’m finding less and less among children.
9. You can eat your favorite foods in the countries where they originated.
10. You’ll experience new foods that will quickly become your new favorites.
11. The best fruit in the world, Jakfruit, is plentiful and cheap in Thailand. (OK, so that was a specific case for why you should travel to Thailand as opposed to anywhere. Whatever, Jakfruit is the best fruit in the world. I discovered it while in the Daintree Rainforest in Northern Queensland, Australia.)
12. Even when it’s dangerous, it’s not as dangerous as some people would have you believe. I’ve felt more fear walking the streets of Detroit (<– must watch short video) with $10 in my pocket than walking around Mumbai or Bangkok at night with thousands of dollars in gear and cash on my person.
13. You will stumble onto awesome events like Holi and Songkran. Who doesn’t love a week-long water fight? :)
14. This site makes a lot of good cases for saving your tax dollars by living elsewhere.
15. You will meet, and make friends with, people who you would never have met staying where you are. Most of us only associate with people in our immediate geographical areas. I call it Friendship By Geography, and it’s incredibly sad.
16. Facing your fears is good for you. And you will face all of them, sometimes in a single day, when traveling. How many fears do you face on a daily basis at your day job? How much do you grow as a person at your day job?
17. You will no longer have to participate in office politics or water cooler gossip. If that’s the kind of thing you enjoy then why are you reading this site in the first place? :)
18. You will have more time for your family, friends, and maybe more importantly, for yourself.
19. You will become a master of fake sign language. Also known as Traveler’s Sign Language. It’s frustrating for a spell, but when your communication is finally understood it’s an awesome feeling.
20. Even if you never become fluent, learning and using a few words in new languages is fun. My favorite thing in the world is now the Thai bow/greeting. I know the way I say it is probably horrible, but the old lady who runs the best veg restaurant in Chiang Mai (Save Thunya on Nantaram Rd just outside Chiang Mai Gate) always treats me like a king when I come in. I know she appreciates my limited Thai because she speaks approximately 3 words of English so we’re in the same boat. I wonder if I can use the Thai greeting everywhere I go? :) If you think it’s difficult learning new languages, Benny at FluentIn3Months.com has an awesome blog devoted to the art of learning languages. (He’s releasing a Language Hacking Guide in a month or two that I can’t wait to buy.)
21. You owe it to yourself to be Ridiculously Extraordinary. Most day jobs would not be categorized as such.

I am not completely against day jobs. As some of you know, there is currently one person I would work for. I would drop everything and be his janitor for the opportunity to learn from him. To figure out who that is, you have to snoop just a bit on my Twitter account. (BTW, my 7 day no twitter/facebook trial is going well!)

What have I missed? I know there are many more good reasons to quit your day job and travel the world so leave them in the comments below …

Also, no excuses in the comments. Only positive thoughts please. ;)

During the courses of our lives we go through a lot of transition periods. Transitions can be both stressful and awesome.

Marriages, graduations, new careers, new relationships, new destinations …

That last one is an interesting one for me and it prompted this article.

My second night in Bangkok I hung out with Sean Ogle of Location180.com (check it out, he rocks) and we were talking about how much we love our lives. Is that nerdy? ;)

But we were also talking about stresses involved with our work. That stress being, we love what we do, but when we’re in a travel period (transition period) and visiting a new city, it’s tough to get work done. And not working is stressful because it’s something we enjoy. It’s a funny cycle. :)

Tangent (you know how I love them): Sean is also a guitar player. Like me, he gets stressed if he can’t play a guitar for an extended period of time. One of the many reasons I built a guitar in India is because when I was traveling through Australia/New Zealand for 4 months it was stressful not having a guitar.

But I digress …

While in Bangkok (I’m in Chiang Mai now, love it!) I knew it was just for a short while so I put off work even though I had stuff to get done. On both Thursday and Friday I went to one of the Regus offices in the city (free access with my Amex Platinum Card) and did 1-2 hours of work. But the city was calling me so I answered.

What Are Stressful Transitions?

Stressful transitions are different for me and you. Mine are things like being on the road for an extended period of time vs staying put in a new place for an extended period of time.

Traveling around New Zealand in a bus for 30 days? Awesome! But stressful as all get out. (I think I’ve used that phrase twice within the past 2 weeks. When will it get out of my system? Nobody knows.)

Goa, India for 2 months? Besides the first few weeks of figuring out Internet access, not stressful.

The last 24 hours were a little bit stressful:

- 14 hour overnight train (thanks to the nice British family who let me take one of their bottom, roomier, berths in exchange for my crappier upper berth!) with a bunch of loud drunk punks.

- The one vegetarian dinner option on the train wasn’t available (they did have 10 meat options, so you know, really catering to all the Buddhists) so when I got to Chiang Mai I was starving.

- The first few apartments I looked at were out of the way and expensive. Walking from apartment to apartment in the 100F/38C heat was exhausting.

But then, awesomeness:

- I quickly found a great veg restaurant.

- I found a sweet apartment for $300/month (including Internet and weekly cleaning) with 3 veg restaurants within a 60 second walk!

- All the stress immediately melted away even though I felt like I just took a shower and thought I might faint. :)

Our goal in life should be to minimize stressful transitions to maximize awesomeness.

The reason I do what I do the way that I do it is to minimize stressful transitions, which makes the fun stuff even more fun for me.

Sure, I don’t see as much as other people who travel. But I’m not here (there, or anywhere) to see everything. I’m simply living my life in a way that makes me happiest.

The Game Changer: Minimalism

My secret to minimizing the stress of even stressful transitions is through minimalism.

Minimalism and Transitions

Less stuff = less stress! ;)

My stressful transitions are less stressful because I have less to worry about.

If you’re stressed, I guarantee adopting even a little bit of minimalism into your life will do wonders to relieve your stress.

I could write for days about minimalism, but here are some rock stars who have written a lot about it:

Everett Bogue – The Freedom of Living With 75 Things

Tammy Strobel – How To Unplug From Stuff

Leo Babauta – Oh, just read everything at Mnmlist.com and ZenHabits.net :)

David Damron – 15 Ways To Become A Minimalist In 2010

Colin Wright – All 51 Things I Own

Now that I’m so quickly settled here in Chiang Mai I’m going to:

- Work.

- Eat awesome food.

- Do some fun shit.

How about you? What do you do to minimize stressful transitions and maximize awesomeness?

The big and really, only, update regarding India. 1,830 words, 4 videos and some pictures. :)

I was going to stay in India until late April. But … well … it’s just not “me.”

So I’m leaving to go to Thailand on 31 March. I’ll stay in Bangkok for about a week then head up to Chiang Mai for ~30 days before coming back to Bangkok to fly to Poland.

08-09 May looks like this:

- Train from Chiang Mai to Bangkok on 08 May
- FinnAir ($1800 Business Class ticket for $200 in taxes + 70,000 frequent flier miles!) leaves Bangkok at 12:15am on 09 May and heads to Helsinki (10 hour flight)
- Helsinki to Warszawa (FinnAir, same ticket), arriving at 10:25am (just a 1 hour flight!)
- Train from Warszawa to my hometown of Wroclaw that afternoon (6 hour train ride)

The at-the-border Thai visa is supposed to be only 30 days, but I couldn’t book any award travel until 09 May so hopefully they give me an extension without any hassle.

More on that another day…

Here’s some fun stuff from India!

1) The Guitar

I’ve had a lot of e-mails asking about the guitar.

Check out the video I made below. Don’t mind the silly editing in the beginning. I was trying to build suspense. (Did I miss my calling? Hollywood? I can be reached at 352 577-0173.)

While driving around on my scooter I ran into a heard of cows. This is a regular occurrence. For whatever reason (oh right, this shit doesn’t get old for me, I love cows!) I stopped and began videotaping. A funny thing happened …

Again, while driving around on my scooter, this happened …

Other points of interest

No Traveler’s Tummy

I eat from dirty street stands (hell, dirty restaurants in general) every day and have not had “Traveler’s Diarrhea” at all like what supposedly happens to “everybody” who comes here. I attribute this to my strengthened vegan immune system. When I used to eat meat I would get sick if somebody sneezed 10,000 miles away from me.

It’s Dirty

It really is as dirty as everybody says it is.

Let’s break it down …

a) The air is polluted as all get out. When I first got to Mumbai I went to play basketball with my CouchSurfing host and I might as well have been playing in a smoky indoor bar. My lungs were not happy. Funny thing is, the Indian kids who we played with ALL smoked during breaks. I don’t know how they do it.

Aguada Bay, Goa, India

b) Trash burning is a regular occurrence. All day. Every day. Couple that with almost 100 degree heat and you have the recipe for pleasant odors.

Cow Hanging Out In Garbage Smoke

c) There are signs everywhere stating “Don’t spit, it spreads TB.” Almost everybody spits. Gross.

d) The land is your toilet. If you need to use the toilet (yes, #1 or #2) anywhere you like is fair game.

Goan Hospitality

The Goan phrases for “hello” are …

- If you’re a taxi/rickshaw driver: “TAXI?! YES?! TAXI?!”

The taxi/rickshaw drivers here would rather stand around yelling TAXI! than drive anybody. They don’t use meters and will not drive you anywhere (even just down the road) for less than 50 Rupees, but more likely no less than 100. In comparison, in Mumbai I took a 1 hour taxi ride (~15km) for about 200 Rupees. When I was doing the guitar workshop I walked everywhere, but after that I rented a scooter for 150 Rupees/day.

To be clear: You could be 30 feet from a taxi driver and he will yell across the street for you until you acknowledge his poor salesmanship. “TAXI!? HELLO? FRIEND? TAXI? HELLO?! HELLO?!” All day long, no stopping. Every single taxi driver.

Eventually I stopped caring, because I understand they’re just trying to make a buck. (And getting the scooter meant I wasn’t affected by it anymore.) But if one smart taxi driver broke the “rules” and used his meter he’d be driving/making money all day instead of standing around wasting his voice.

Autorickshaw driver doing what he does best: nothing.

- If you’re a shopkeeper: “Hey! Look at my store! Just look!”

I’m a nice guy. So when a shopkeeper would extend a hand and say hello I would shake their hand and say hello. I learned to stop doing that quickly because once they have your hand you literally have to pry it away. Not a good way to make a sale.

I made friends with an Indian-American here and I asked him if this stuff happens to him with the taxi drivers and shopkeepers. He didn’t know what I was talking about. So we went walking down the road and every single person we passed wanted our wallets. He got annoyed real quick. :)

Beggars

I heard there would be a lot of problems with beggars but they have all been very kind. I’m not a fan of giving cash, but whenever I have food I offer that. They sometimes ask for money beyond the food, but that’s OK. Gotta hustle to live.

Interesting story: one day while walking from the market to my scooter (not a long walk) I ended up giving away all of my apples. So I went back to buy more. On the way back to my scooter this time nobody asked for my apples. Sign of respect? I don’t know, but it was nice.

The Cow Is Not Sacred?

Yay cows! On the beach! Baga Beach, Goa, India

I was talking to a woman who has been in India for decades and I mentioned that I was quite surprised when I saw a guy elbow drop a cow and other people treat them like garbage. I thought the cow was sacred in India. Her response: “What you hear in the news and from outside the country is not how it truly is.”

Essentially, I’m told from various people, cows are pests. It’s true they are everywhere, and they play in traffic, and they leave cowpies where you’d rather them not leave cowpies. But if they’re sacred they’re sacred. You treat them like gods, not like dirt. So, while most people here do not eat cows, they don’t seem to be well respected animals.

I understand Goa is different (maybe due to the large (30%) Christian population?) and I also understand my definition of “sacred” means more than just “don’t eat cows.” So my final observation on this situation is: I’m still not sure what to think.

I’m also told in rural areas it’s different and cows are, indeed, treated with the utmost respect. And that makes a little more sense. I’m an ignorant American making the only observation I can with what I was presented. Take it as you will.

Wow, that was negative, so what was good?

- I love Indian food. For less than 200 Rupees I could almost eat enough to make me puke. For illustration, here is part of a reference one of my CouchSurfing hosts left me: “We had a good time with Karol…[EDIT]…seeing him put away copious amounts of food (in a good way).”

I always laugh when people say I eat a lot because usually it comes from somebody who says they eat a lot and are astounded by my stomach capacity. I’m 6′ 5″ and I have a metabolism, much like the rest of my body, from the future. That explains that.

Massive 50 Rupee Paper Dosa (also pictured: a fresh squeezed pineapple juice)

- Celebrity treatment. This annoys a lot of people. I loved it, if only for the sheer wackiness of the situation. If I spent every day on the beach I’m sure it would get annoying, but I’m not a huge fan of beaches. Anyway … every time I’d go to the beach or other touristy areas I’d get swarmed by Indian men (~20-35 in age) taking pictures of and with me. They’d put their arms around me like we were best friends and give me high fives and whatnot. It always tripped me out, but it was awesome. But again, if it happened every day I can see how it could get annoying. It’s fun to be “famous” every once in a while. :)

- Nice people. In that same regard, everybody I met who wasn’t a taxi driver or shopkeeper or trying to make money from me some other way was very nice. I would go exploring on my scooter pretty much every day and in the little villages/neighborhoods around Goa lots of people would wave, kids would run out and talk to me, and people were just cool. They’d usually think I was lost, but you can’t be lost if you don’t know where you’re going. I mean that literally and philosophically. ;)

- It’s cheap. Although Goa is more expensive than most areas of India, it’s still cheap. For example, most nice (i.e. not the cheapest, not the most expensive) guest houses cost 500-800 Rupees (less than $20) for a room with attached bathroom.

I rented a nice apartment in Calangute for 18,000 Rupees/month (~$400). A year ago the cost would’ve been about 20% less. Inflation is nuts here. But again, still cheap. And that price included a living room, bedroom with queen bed, cable TV (haha, pretty useless for me, but it was there), a nice outside porch, and every other day house cleaning (including new sheets/towels).

And if I was the old me I estimate I could get completely shit-faced for about $10/day. Speaking of alcohol, there’s a local Goan alcohol called Fenny (~$1 for 60mL) made from cashews (Goa is known for its cashews, mmmmm) that I wanted to try. So I did. Not drinking for 4 months was easy. And I haven’t drank for a month or so since I tried the Fenny.

Conclusion

Even though India is not “me” doesn’t mean I didn’t have a good time. It’s just not “me” that’s all. It’s kind of the whole Right People thing.

Check out more photos from India on my Flickr account here.

For more reading: check out what Chris at Nomad4Ever.com has to say about Goa here. I agree with most of it.

###

Unrelated, but Kirsty over at NerdyNomad.com just released an awesome eBook called The Underground Guide To International Volunteering. I named it. ;) And yes, I bought a copy as well ($14). If you’re interested in International volunteering this has a lot of great info from someone who’s been doing it for years: http://www.nerdynomad.com/volunteering (not an affiliate link) – $7 from every sale goes to Hands On Disaster Response. Kirsty is currently in Haiti volunteering with HODR, helping clean up after the massive earthquakes.

Also, I’m going to interview Kirsty about how she makes money passively, which allows her to travel the world perpetually, for Version 1.0 of How To Live Anywhere. :)

Due to lack of Internet here in Baga, Goa, India the following video will be visible only in your mind’s eye. I can’t upload the actual video. I can barely upload a picture! (Yes, it is quite near impossible to get any work done here, try as I might.)

The setting: an open field just east of Baga Beach off the Arabian Sea.

The camera is held in my right hand and pointed at my face.

I begin speaking.

“Today I want to talk about expectations, because while here in Baga, Goa, India a lot of mine have been shattered.”

“First, here’s an Indian cell phone from Vodaphone.” [I show my cell phone to the camera.]

“The process of obtaining this was an interesting experience. It took 2 days, 4 visits to Vodaphone, and 5 or 6 hours of my time before I actually had this phone working.”

“This morning I tried to place a phone call and got a message saying my paperwork was never submitted and I can’t place outbound calls.”

“I called customer service from the phone and explained the situation. But because I got my phone in Mumbai I have to call the Mumbai customer support. I can’t call customer service in Mumbai because my phone won’t place outbound calls.” (Note: The first customer service call worked probably because I used the Vodaphone Service button on the phone.)

“Second, I got this Tata Indicom USB Internet stick from a friend.” [I show the USB stick to the camera.]

“I went to the local Tata store to get it activated, but since it hadn’t been in use for a year the SIM card is cancelled and can’t be reactivated. They tell me I must buy a new SIM. So I ask to buy a new SIM. They tell me they don’t sell the SIM, but I can buy a new stick. I’m at the Tata store, they tell me to buy a new SIM, but they don’t sell the SIM. :)”

[A cow walks behind me]

“I ask to buy a new stick. They ask me if I have my resident paperwork. Of course I don’t because I’m not a resident. I try to pay them off because that seems to be how everything works here. But they don’t accept my bribe. :)”

“This all boils down to my own ignorance. I was ignorant of how difficult things I take for granted are in the third world, but it makes sense in retrospect. Everything works differently here and I have to learn to roll with the punches or leave. Things (like a cell phone or internet) that should just work, don’t. It’s like real life Windows. Nothing works correctly, and nothing works on the first try. ;) ”

[A young child on a bike stops and stares at me. I make a comment to the camera about the child. The child appears in the video behind me.]

“What I’d like to know is times in your life when your expectations for something have been shattered and how you dealt with it. But if you have examples of expectations being met or exceeded I’d much rather hear that!” ;)

[Video ends.]

It’s the end of Day 2 at my guitar building workshop and my left forearm is in a burning pain. This workshop definitely isn’t for those with carpal tunnel or other forearm problems. I decide to let it be. “Maybe it won’t hurt tomorrow.”

Upon waking up from an 11 hour sleep (did I mention that building a guitar is exhausting work?) my forearm twitches in intense pain. Thankfully it’s Saturday and there will be no guitar workshop today.

I’ve got to take care of this pain.

Being that I’m in the land of Ayurvedic Oil Massage I decide this will be my course of action. The neti pot is an Ayurvedic treatment and you know how much I love the neti. Seems like a great plan.

First, a quick lesson on Ayurveda: it’s a traditional Indian system of medicine. The word Ayu is derived from Ayussu, which means “life span,” and veda means “knowledge.” Therefore, Ayurveda is the knowledge of life. :) It is all encompassing, meaning it deals with body, mind, and soul. And although in this instance I am using it for treatment, it is generally a way of life and used regularly for prevention.

(Don’t say you didn’t learn anything from this article!)

There are approximately 10 Ayurveda clinics on a short 1 km stretch of Calangute-Baga Road so I have many to choose from. I pop into 4 to get prices and recommended treatments.

Unanimously the Elakizhi massage is the recommended route to take, with prices from 700-1500 Rupees. Elakizhi begins with a 45 minute full body massage and ends with approximately 30 minutes of a boiling herbal treatment, focusing on any specific pains.

I don’t understand why nobody will just massage my arm because otherwise, being that the rest of my body is made of an indestructible polymer you won’t discover for another 200 years, I’m all good. (We ran out of materials in the future so my arms are made of human…in case you were wondering.)

I chalk it up to “Don’t be stupid! They gotta treat the whole body Karol!”

(Yes, I did just claim I’m from the future. Yes, I’m sticking to it. No, you can’t have tomorrow’s lottery numbers.)

My first choice is to find a massage center run by women, for obvious reasons. But it seems the men have this little beach town on lock down. Or maybe I just don’t know where to look.

Whatever, I need a massage.

I decide to choose the shadiest looking of the group of massage centers.

It’s tiny, 3 rooms, and in a little shopping plaza with a knick knack shop on each side. If nothing else, it seems like a good choice because it’s the only massage center with another client actually getting a massage.

For 900 Rupees (~$20) I’m going to get a full body massage by a man “specializing” in Ayurvedic massage. I don’t see any certifications, but hey, who am I to judge? I don’t have an English degree and here I am writing to you. (English degrees are phased out in the future, sorry friends.)

I step inside a tiny room and the man tells me to take off my clothes. I take off my shirt and shorts and stop for a second.

“Underwear too?”

I don’t know the protocol, and I don’t want to jump the gun, if you will.

He motions for me to lie down on my stomach.

In one fell swoop he pulls off my Ex Officios and hangs them up.

“But you told me I was your first! How are you THAT good?!”

I am officially naked and another man is going to run oil and fingers all over my body for the next 75 minutes.

I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say the man “grazed me” more than once. I guess that’s not sparing you the details, huh? Sorry. (No I’m not. You’re going to be just as uncomfortable as me, thank you very much.)

The actual massage consists of an incredible amount of oils and the smell of exhaust and cow manure wafting in from the street. My left forearm gets a Ben Gay-like oil treatment. If you’ve never smelled Ben Gay, it smells like Grandma’s bathroom.

To complete the session, the man asks me to stand up, and then towels me off (uhh, I should really choose better words) to get rid of excess oil.

As I head out the door feeling like a 5 cent trick I have 3 thoughts on my mind:

1) That was the least relaxing massage I’ve ever had.

2) My forearm still burns.

3) Next, I’m getting my hair done at Amanda Bynes’s salon: